Even though I have had Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) my whole life, I didn’t know I had it until I was in my 40’s. I was actually quite surprised at the diagnosis, because I had no idea. It took me a minute to really wrap my head around it and believe it was actually true.

The psychiatrist told me that girls are very often undiagnosed or underdiagnosed because they have higher level coping skills than boys and very often the hyperactivity component which makes ADD obvious to teachers is missing in girls.

At the time I didn’t really know what being ADD meant and how that made me different, even though the psychiatrist pointed out the things I did that led her to come to the conclusion. I’ve since learned a lot. Actually, I probably have learned more about how this condition affects me in the last year than I have in all the years prior.

That’s because a lot of people have been sharing on social media their own experiences about what it means to be ADD and I recognized myself in what they shared, and that really helped me. I began to think about how my brain works and the ways I cope with those differences so they don’t trip me up too much.

Recognizing that my brain works differently helps me understand myself. And to accept that it is ok for me to be who I am even if I show up differently than most people I know. It’s ok that I don’t always show up the way others think I should and it gives me the vocabulary to explain to them why that is.

So I started this journey by asking myself some questions. What are the ways that ADD shows up in my life? How do I cope with being ADD? How has having ADD caused misunderstandings with others? How can I help others understand the way my brain works?

ADD is Different for Everyone

There are a lot of people in my family who have ADD tendencies. Starting with the OG, our Dad. Of course he didn’t know he had any kind of disorder, just that he struggled in school. Now that we know more about ADD it seems fairly obvious to the rest of us, but I doubt it’s anything that he has ever given much thought to.

There is some discussion out there about whether ADD and these types of disorders are a result of nature or nurture. I personally believe it is both. Our brains are wired in a particular way, but our environment shapes the neurological connections.

Having so many family members who are affected by the disorder, leads me to believe there is a definite genetic component. I can also tell you that none of them are affected in exactly the same ways. There are definite similarities, but the degree to which a particular characteristic impacts a particular person can vary drastically.

The following list is MY list. Another person’s ADD may look different.

Distractibility has to be one of the most obvious ADD characteristics. When I was a kid, it was daydreaming. And it happened all the time at school. Basically, I’d be sitting there thinking of all kinds of interesting things, usually having something to do with recess, and all of a sudden realize that I had no idea what the teacher was talking about. Even as a grown up I have difficulty focusing when someone else is talking especially during staff meetings or presentations when I’m not specifically the person being spoken to.

It also happens when I’m driving, especially when it’s a familiar route. Some part of my brain must be paying attention to my driving, however I can be thinking of something and suddenly realize I’m not sure where I am or whether or not I’ve missed my turn (I probably did).

Another way I get distracted is if I have to do a set of tasks that are tedious. It’s excruciatingly boring for my brain to continue to focus on the list. Ugh! So I usually have a lot of different projects started and move from one to the other. Sometimes that means that I get too many things going and struggle to finish them.

I can’t finish a sentence. It’s so odd to me that I can forget mid-sentence what I was talking about, but it happens. And if the people I am speaking with don’t remember the topic, it could be a while before the conversation resumes. To me it feels like my brain is going faster than my mouth and I’m translating what’s going on in my brain via my mouth, but my brain keeps leaping ahead to different ideas and my mouth can’t keep up. 

How I cope. I have lists everywhere, for everything. That way I can refer to them if I need to remember something. And the process of writing the lists actually helps me remember even if I don’t look at the list.

I also create visual cues by placing items in places so I’ll see them to remind me to do a particular task. For example, I will put my medication bottle on the table so I remember to call to refill them when I’m close to running out. Or place the dirty clothes basket by the bedroom door so I remember to start the laundry.

If I’m running to town and have a number of errands to complete, I remember the number (let’s say 5) and repeat them in order to myself while touching the appropriate finger. If that’s too much I’ll make a checklist so I won’t forget to do any of the errands.

If I have something to do that is tedious or repetitive I will choose a set number to complete before giving myself a break or do it for a specific amount of time. Then I reward myself as needed for completing things. I can do a set of ten or work for ten minutes and my brain knows I can take a break when I’m done.

Another coping mechanism I use is doing the same things in the same order so I don’t leave anything out. I can be standing at the sink in the bathroom in the morning and not remember if I took my medication or not within 5 minutes of when I should have taken it. But if I do the same things in the same order I can see where I am in the sequence (yes, I already forgot). I also have a medicine reminder on my phone. Not to remind me to take it, but once I take it I mark that I did, that way I can check when I am trying to remember if I took it or not.

And yes, probably staying focused when someone else is talking may be one of my worst things. If it is really important I can help myself focus in two ways. One is by taking notes (don’t start doodling!). Notes may not be necessary for any reason except that it is helping me stay focused on what is being said. 

The other way may sound silly, but it works for me. When someone is speaking to me, I repeat what they are saying in my head to make sure I am tracking what they are saying.

Before I knew I had ADD, I thought my difficulty focusing meant I was lazy. Now I know it just meant I hadn’t developed the tools I needed to be more productive.